It’s been a few weeks since I’ve written a blog post.

There are a few reasons for that, of which I’ll go into shortly. But firstly, I wanted to ask – how are you? I hope you’re okay.

Everything is just a bit pants at the moment isn’t it? And I know I’m not the only one feeling it. I’ve spoken to a lot of people recently and every conversation has been along the same lines. We’re fed up, we can’t seem to get out from under a dark cloud or feel motivated, and we want to get back to living.

It’s totally understandable. We’re living in a strange world at the moment and although things are improving, it also seems to be dragging. I understand why we are in this situation, and I’m not complaining about how things are being handled. I’m playing by the rules, and I’m thankful for everything the NHS is doing. It’s just, despite understanding, it’s also normal to just feel a bit bleugh.

And for anyone who needs to hear it, you are not alone in how you are feeling.

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I came to this blog post after writing two others recently, but failing to post them as they just felt a bit flat. I enjoy writing, it’s my hobby and passion, but recently I’ve just lacked the inspiration to write anything I feel people would want to read. Perhaps that’s what lockdown and spending all day at home with 3 young children does to you.

Either way, I wanted to get it all out, and talk about how everyone is feeling. I’ve always been told not to bottle things up, and talking (or writing) about things is healthy and helps you to heal.

So the reasons for not writing, or posting should I say, despite the obvious foggy funk I’ve found myself in, are these:

  • Tabby’s hospital stay. It totally floored me both mentally and physically. I didn’t feel it at the time, but boy have I since.
  • The children haven’t been sleeping very well (mainly Immy), and as such, neither have we. So there’s a constant air of tiredness around the house. Exhausted parents aren’t motivated parents.
  • Immy doesn’t nap anymore. So when I once got an hour or so to quickly write a few sentences here and there as she snoozed, now I spend that time entertaining her, which I love of course, but it means less time writing. 
  • Playgroup was closed. So again, time once spent writing whilst the twins napped was spent with Immy.
  • Just the general gloomy weather and atmosphere that seems to be lingering hasn’t set me up to write. 

It’s not just writing that has been thrown to the back-burner these past couple of weeks. My motivation to workout has plummeted too, so the HIIT workouts have taken a 2 week hiatus.

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So what am I going to do to get through this fog and start feeling motivated again? 

Over the past few days something has clicked. Despite all of the things I’ve moaned about (a good rant is healthy, right?), I’ve started to feel a bit more, well, me. I think the slightly warmer weather and a speck of sunshine has played a part. But also I’ve decided to loosen the reins on Immy a bit and say yes to more things.

I found myself saying no to so many things, when I was saying no through convenience for myself rather than for her. 

Painting for example. She asks to paint at about 6am in the morning and I say no. But why? Well because I don’t want to get all of the paint stuff out so early for her to do it for 5 minutes and then ask what’s next. But instead, I’ve said yes. And her behaviour has improved. A happy toddler makes for a happy Mama!

Also the request to go out to the park multiple times a day. We go out every morning, which is great. I’m not an ogre, but it takes a good 45 minutes (at least) to get everyone out, and doing that multiple times in a day is tiring. Getting everyone changed, nappies done, snacks, coats, hats, boots, gloves. Gloves! Don’t get me started on the pain of getting a glove on a toddler! 

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It’s just not appealing when it’s freezing and raining. I’d rather stay in the warm. But there’s the problem. I would rather stay in. Immy would rather be out. The twins don’t really care. So I’ve started to say yes, and despite the run up to leaving the house, we are all better off for getting out in the fresh air more.

There are loads more examples, but I won’t bore you with them here. If you’re a parent you probably (hopefully) can relate. Again I know many parents of toddlers who are struggling a bit at the moment.

I’m sure there are lots of parents who already say yes to everything, and perhaps I was a bad mum for not letting her do everything. But when you have a child who is always looking for the next thing to do, it can be tiring, and there has to be a limit. I think I just needed to readjust mine and give her some slack, as this past year has been hard on her too. 

I’ve also decided to be kinder to myself, and not put so much pressure on myself to do everything. 

Anyway, I’m back, and I’m hoping to write some more upbeat blog posts over the coming weeks. It can’t all be doom and gloom. 

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There’s not much reason to this post, other than to explain my absence, to rant about my toddler (that totally wasn’t the original intention – I love her dearly), and to say it’s okay to feel how you’re feeling at the moment.  Just make sure to talk to people if you’re down, don’t bottle it up, and together we will find our way through this fog and there will be brighter days.

Happy Saturday everyone!

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