A letter to 2020

Dear 2020,

What a year you’ve been. One that many people will be glad to see the back of.

For me you’ve been a rollercoaster of emotions, the perfect cocktail of euphoric highs and devastating lows that I can only hope I never experience again.

You’ve brought us fires, floods and a global pandemic that washed across the world. You’ve caused death but you’ve also created many lives of which will change the world in years to come.

There’s been sadness, fear, loathing for loved ones. Weddings have been cancelled, people have lost jobs and lives have been lost. Women have had to go it alone when bringing new life into the world.

We’ve clapped, we’ve laughed, we’ve cried. We’ve seen courage and strength not only in ourselves but in our NHS staff who have worked tirelessly to bring us hope. We’ve watched as a 99 year old man walked around his house to raise money, bringing a sense of pride to our nation.

We’ve eaten out to help out only to be told to stay in. We’ve had things given back and then taken away again. Nations have been divided and loved ones at the same time. There’s been controversy, conspiracy theories and complaints. Staying home became the new going out. People mourned a life that once was, but in reality what we are doing is nothing in comparison to our ancestors who literally gave their lives so we could live ours. You’ve given us a reality check that was needed.

Shops ran out of essentials, the ozone layer started to heal. Mankind were all in it together and yet everyone felt so apart. We were all part of the same storm but navigating the turbulent waters in very different boats. 

You’ve thrown a lot at our family, but not half as much as others have experienced, and for that I thank you. We’ve brought two new lives into this world and that will be my lasting memory of this year. Yes we’ve had our ups and downs, including hospital stays for sepsis and hydrocephalus, but there’s no rainbow without a little rain. 

You’ve separated us from our families near and far, but at the same time have reminded us that family is everything and the value of that. When we meet again we will be stronger and love harder. At times you’ve caused me to be so overwhelmed you’ve brought me to my knees and I’ve questioned myself as a person, a mother and a wife. But you’ve also brought me quality time with my little family that I will never forget and perhaps never get again.

I’m not a cryer, but this year I have cried. I’ve cried as I’ve missed family and friends. I’ve cried in fear for my daughter’s health and her future. I’ve cried for a maternity leave that wasn’t as planned. I’ve cried for people in less fortunate situations than myself. And I’ve cried because it takes a village to raise a child, but the villages for parents this year have been closed.

But within those tears of sadness there were many happy tears too. Priceless moments with my babies and husband that we will cherish forever. Laughs around the dinner table, watching our brood grow. Seeing them hitting milestones and their personalities developing. I’ve never felt so proud.

2020 you’ve been a tough one and were sent to test us, but I have always been one to find a silver lining. Despite all of the pain you have caused I will remember you as the year I birthed my babies and completed our family. The year I got a new nephew to love. The year I took a leap into the unknown and decided to spend more time with my family as well as plan a business of my own.

I wouldn’t want to repeat you, but I also wouldn’t wish you hadn’t happened, because you are the year my family felt complete and the year I learned just how much courage and resilience I have. You’ve changed me as a person, I hope for the better. 

So as I ring in the new year tonight from the comfort and safety of my home, I’ll try to remember all of the good you brought us amongst the sadness, and hope for a calmer 2021 where we can meet loved ones once again.

Happy New Year to everyone who has read this blog post. Sending love to those who need it and wishing you all a happy and healthy 2021. We’re not out of the storm yet, but together we will make it through.

What have you been grateful for this year? Please comment below.